I interrupt my regularly scheduled "Writers on Wednesdays" to say that I actually hate it and I'm not planning to continue the schtick.
And... I hate gimmicks ... opportunistic alliteration, too.
Yet, in an effort to be " a better writer " - or a more consistent one - in order to to do what it seems like I am "supposed " to be doing- I fall into these traps time and again. ( re: Patheos )
I've realized I'm just not interested in building the typical platforms or structures associated with writing success - or much of anything at all really - with my words.
It's not how writing works for me.
It could. I realize that.
I could work at writing and make it work for me. But, I don't want to.
I haven't found words for what I find fulfilling about writing...yet. Maybe it's purpose that eludes me.
Maybe I'm waiting on a story worth telling - or the right time to tell the ones I know.
I enjoy writing, capturing truths and humor.
Reading back over chronicled days has been helpful and informative in my journey.
But...
I've studied many of the end roads and don't desire those destinations for myself.
I don't want to market and promote myself.
I've always liked to say "Write your plans in pencil". I don't want to ink-down ideals I may grow to see differently.
I don't want a microphone or a three-part series.
Knowing what you don't want is an important step in figuring out what you do.
During this season, the things I have to say are best shared one-on-one, in forums that welcome deeper conversations and accountability from those who hear from me.
I'm more interested in good connections than a large following or social media presence. I can't imagine building a follower base so large that replying to each comment takes a full day. (With deep respect for all my friends who do just that.) I already run over the margins of every given day.
Still, I will share these words all the same.
That's the why I'm looking for.
Q: Why hit publish at all - if I'm not building anything?
A:I am compelled to.
It's hardly an answer, but it's the only one I've got so far.
Hands in my pockets, I roll my writer's twopence between my fingers and shuffle down the road.
Perhaps I'll find something good to spend it on.
Maybe there's a destination somewhere ahead worth building a road to,
Maybe I'll discover it.
I'm content if I don't.
Meanwhile, what I'm saying today is, sometimes I feel like talking about authors I admire.
When I do, it isn't always Wednesday.
