Garrison Keillor


I used to sit with my Granny on the weekends. With the sound of a Western on the television, she taught me to crochet. While some of the other cousins were out shopping with her roommate and our aunt, Granny and I would read books and chat. 

It was on one of those Saturdays, in the very house that now gives my little family shelter from life's storms, that, at the age of about 15 or so,  I discovered Lake Woebegone. 

Fast forward a few years, I am back in my hometown after a marital spat. I couldn't tell you what it was over, but as far as we both were concerned, it was over. Granny had been gone a few years, but her spirit and her copy of Lake Woebegone lived on with me.  On the drive back home "to collect my things" I tuned the dial to public radio. A deep voice embossed with gravel was telling the story of a young newlywed couple, wrestling the mattress they'd tied to their car down the highway, toward their new home.  But really it was the story of marriage - all of it - summed up in a box spring. 

And it was the gift of unexpected laughter. One of my all-time favorite gifts to receive. 

If my memory is correct, that was when I first made the connection between the book(s) and the radio, but it's the kind of memory that feels too recent. It seems like I've just always known Keillor. 

 Over time, I read each new Keillor book and became a regular listener. I found out my Uncle Roy was a fan and that he listened to GK with Granny's roommate, and my aunt, whom Roy had been lucky enough to marry years after Granny's passing. 

We often talked about Prairie Home, Powdermilk Biscuits, the feel-good power of Ketchup and GK's signature red shoes. 

When Garrison Keillor released his collection of poems, he helped me be less ashamed of realizing poetry runs in my veins (truly, it is a malady one is born with) In fact, as a writer he has inspired and instructed me in countless ways. 

We saw GK in Savannah, just before the release of 'Pontoon' and when I finally checked Pontoon out from the library, I was amazed to realize our live show had been the book, monologued and set to music. 

One of my favorite Writer's Almanac episodes was a trifecta of literary proportions: Billy Collins fills in for GK and reads a poem by John Updike about baseball on George Orwell's birthday ...  June 25, 2013

(link to episode:  https://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php%3Fdate=2013%252F06%252F25.html

But my most favorite Writer's Almanac episode is from Thursday, April 21, 2022 - John Muir's birthday. I have always felt a deep kindred with Muir if only for answering the mountains' call expediently. 

At the time this episode found me, I was walking through an area we call the Greenway. It is a walking trail surrounded by tall trees and as close to a mountain hike as one can get without leaving town. 

It was before my surgeries, when my eyesight was failing and I felt so - removed?- from the rest of the world. When one or more senses aren't working, there is an isolation that is hard to describe, but being behind a thick veil, or looking into a darkened mirror, to borrow from the 13th chapter of 1st Corinthians, are perfect metaphors. 

Again, this man with the unexpected joy. 

I learned a lot about John Muir from this less-than-ten-minute snippet, and on this twilight walk in a thicket of trees, I felt re-connected to the world - if only for a moment.  

(link to episode: https://www.garrisonkeillor.com/radio/twa-the-writers-almanac-for-april-21-2022/ )

And this song has lived on my playlist for at least the last decade, probably longer if I'd stop to do the math: 


(link to GK & Sara Watkins: Brokedown Palace https://youtu.be/Zfuh7Ifmp3Y?feature=shared)


When I worked as a church secretary for a small, local Lutheran congregation - they didn't even have to teach me what lutefisk was. Keillor had already done it. 

Tonight was my second - and likely last - time at a Keillor show. I wasn't the youngest person in the audience this time - my 14 year old daughter was. 

Oh, but I do appreciate being surrounded by wisdom and experience. 

The tickets were a gift from my always generous dad, who knew I love the "Life Among The Lutherans" author. 

As we found our seats, Fisher remarked "Leave it to Papa to pick the best seats in the house." 

Yep, that is just the kind of thing Papa likes to do (Thank you, Mom and Dad!) Any closer and we'd have had to look up his nostrils. 


But, for the first little bit - it didn't matter where we were sitting because GK was walking everywhere, visiting with the crowd.  

We talked about important things - like living in the right here and now. And we sang together. It was the best part.  

I agreed with Keillor that when we're singing together, we're not focused on our differences or divisions, but (literally) on harmony, and I cast my vote with his that we need more congregational acappella far and wide. 

Maybe in large part because of my own vision issues, I noticed his eyes looked irritated and he wiped at them several times throughout the show. So, after the standing ovation, encore and final curtain call, I double backed and asked the stage hands if they could get eyedrops back to him. I keep sterile, single use packets with me everywhere I go. 

But the stagehands didn't know who to take them to. 

So, I stepped backstage and found Mr. Keillor sitting alone in his dressing room. He was looking at his phone, his glasses set on the table beside him. I gave a courtesy knock before stepping in the room and mentioned I'd seen him rubbing his eyes. I asked if he could use some eye drops and explained they were sterile, that I kept them on account of having eye surgeries. He accepted them, thanked me and asked how my eyes are doing now. I told him I was almost blind, but now, I can see (legitimately) 

I also thanked him for all the good he's invested in my life over the years, without taking any more of his time to itemize all the ways...starting with that story about how marriage and wrasslin' a mattress are basically the same thing ... and the simple reminders that laughter and poetry make good umbrellas for those sustained winds of change ... for the coffee, pie and endless comfort at the never-closed Chatterbox Cafe...  and most of all for a place to call home where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, the children are above average and - even if only for a moment - our woe can be gone.

Thank you, Mr. Keillor. 

Hard-Won Freedom: A Farewell to Harm


The following is my entry @ The Unsealed for the writing prompt "Write A Letter To Your Fear" 



Hard-Won Freedom: A Farewell to Harm

Dear Fear,

I know you’re upset I left you behind. There wasn’t enough room in the car for all your baggage and, if I’m being honest, had we brought you along, we never would have reached our destination.

This note may be little consolation, but it’s all I have to give. I will always owe you a debt of gratitude for showing me the danger ahead. If you hadn’t, the kids and I might not be alive today -not all of us, anyway.
Thank you for walking me out the door.

I can’t say I wish you were here, but sometimes, it’s like you are.
Sometimes, I realize I’m holding my breath for no reason.

On days I’m running late from work or the store, my heart races just like you used to make it do. But when I walk in, no one yells or slams a door. Suspicious accusations do not season dinner, and no one leaves the table upset. So, I exhale and keep moving.

I thought I saw you, that day, in the courthouse bathroom mirror. But when I looked closer, it was Courage staring back. You two look alike in a certain light.

I know you expected to hear from me sooner. We’ve been so busy rediscovering home.
It’s beautiful here. Safe, too.

Granny’s old house is a bit “mend-and-make-do,” but we toss eggshells in the garden instead of carpeting the rooms.

Hues of hospitality drape the walls. Music, not cursing, drifts down the hall.

The furniture is never thrown.

Open windows welcome kind-word breezes. The warmth of good friends coax our roots to grow. Drinking from a deep well of compassion, we’ve forgotten the road back to you.

I almost called you when Anger threatened to shatter our stability. But Family comes before Fear in my contacts, so I reached out to them before resorting to you.

They reminded me you’re bankrupt now, your energy all spent on fencing us in.

I know we will cross paths someday. But I’ve already grown so much since we left. You might not even recognize me when we do.

Oh, but Fear, won’t I recognize you? That insidious whisper, those suspicious, dark eyes? How could I ever forget your too-tight grip on this slipping-down life?

I will meet you head-on and return the favor. I will escort you through the door and send you back where you belong.

Fear, you excel at crocodiles and sharp lightning. Because of you, people avoid speeding tickets and poison ivy. But you can be irrational, too.

I know your real name is Afraid. It used to be my name, too.

Remember when we talked about your empty-bucket soul? How you never felt fulfilled because you couldn’t fix that hole?

There is a patch called Love. You really ought to try it. It covers everything.

First, sand away blame and excuses. It is a crucial step. Then allow it to seep down and completely absorb your being. Be careful not to confuse it with Indulgence, which costs more and eventually corrodes. Love’s brand is gritty and forms much thicker skin. Once it takes hold, the results are eternal.

Listen, Fear, I need to say this outright: we are never coming back.

Please do not pursue us. We’re doing just fine. In fact, we are better off now.

I’m sure you’ll find ways to occupy your time. Perhaps you can roam the beaches, reminding everyone about sharks or rattle tree limbs against the windows of sleeping children in the dark.

Give our regards to your mother, Pride and to your father, Cowardice.
Tell your sister Avarice we desire no visitors at all.

I bid you an ardent farewell.

Sincerely and Securely,
Hard-Won Freedom

Fight, Flight or Write


 I haven't talked much about my "healing journey" in these spaces. 

Outside of close family and friends, or in situations where I feel the need to clarify or speak directly into unfolding narratives, I haven't really shared the A-Z  of what I'm healing from. 

The drum we beat becomes our anthem. I love too many types of music to get stuck in one song. 

I'm still not sure how much of those rhythms I even want to revisit. I spent enough time there, waiting for the sun. Good news is, there's no rush. 

If and when the things I have to say about those topics and that time in my life seem necessary, whether to speak the truth about a version of events or to encourage someone going through similar things, I've found the words are well within my reach. They flow like a faucet, when the spigot is turned. 

Unless and until then,  I am not seeking to set myself up as an authority on domestic violence, abuse, divorce, et al. 

I never hope to set myself up as an authority on anything at all.  I'm a life-long learner, still figuring out who I want to be, who I am becoming. 

I am getting to know me and I'm taking my time. 

However, as a writer and longtime blogger, the temptation to turn any one fleeting thought into a full-blown series, complete with searchable keywords and a free, downloadable  .pdf of helpful resources is very, very real. 

The convenience of telling a friend who is midstream in mediation "Go to my blog, click the 'Survivng the Night' tab for exhaustive (and exhausting) coverage of my own journey as well as helpful links for your own journey" would be, it seems, quite convenient and efficient. 

But way less personal and much less personalized than the one-on-one conversations that occur, as needed, in real time, once in a blue moon. 

So, when I have a simple thought like "I notice that I'm noticing details more and I think it has something to do with getting better." or "I notice my attention span changing and it feels healthy." the writer within wants to 'talk' about it.  

And I have been noticing just that. I will watch a movie or read something I've already been exposed to in the past but I am experiencing it anew, with deeper saturation. I am able to be more present, more dialed in.  

It is a positive change, one I'm happy to notice in myself. It is nice to know that healing is possible. It is important to believe it, too. 

"I should share that," I think "for the sake of others who are nursing their own nervous systems. I should tell them that better things await, there are better things ahead"  (pun intended, if you spot it) 

I shared with a friend this week (and my little sister last week) that part of my challenge in writing now is I don't really need to. I am safe now. Free to speak freely, or to say "No" or, if I don't want to,  nothing at all.  

I no longer feel the need to start a new journal entry behind several blank pages of 'camouflage' (lest my words be intercepted and intentionally misinterpreted.)  It's a thing I still find myself doing out of habit sometimes, even after I realized I could breathe easy and start on Page 1. 

Not that long ago, I had a similar moment of realization about visual art & collage. For many years, I scrap / art journaled, primarily rearranging words and images I cut from the mountains of magazines  hauled home from library discard piles.  

(links: Orange Journal -  https://kellybrewer.blogspot.com/2018/08/the-orange-journal_27.html and Blue Journal: https://kellybrewer.blogspot.com/2018/09/the-blue-journal_6.html  - I haven't digitized all of them but these were used for court) 

In my 'Scavenged Art Project' I made a point to use up so many of the clipped words I'd been harboring for years. I still do collage and couldn't pass up a busted laundry basket full of discarded magazines if I tried, but I've found my execution is evolving. 

I don’t need the words of others so much - I use my own now. 

(link: posts about  "Scavenged Art"-  https://kellybrewer.blogspot.com/search?q=Scavenged+Art)

Yesterday, I shared some old writing entries with that same friend and, as is often the case, I got a better glimpse of who I've been thanks to the visage from Hindsight Hill.  

Often, I remember I have an entry about a keyword or certain subject (in this case, it was about fire and matches) but I'll have forgotten the full context, and especially any palpable emotions I now see clearly in revisiting. 

So often, my words have been spillage, a way to cope. 

Did I think I was doing a good job hiding pain back then? Like a child who thinks she's hidden by keeping her own eyes closed, perhaps.  

Or was it necessary to bury these losses in shallow word graves and just keep moving? Like casualties in war time with the enemy fast approaching, we'll come back later with headstones. 

And then - - I see the date and, though it feels like four lifetimes ago, it was practically only yesterday. 

My lines are fewer now ... for now ... because I'm free (and apt) to speak aloud. 

And that's a good thing. 

At The Car Wash: Mike & Maurice

 


After weeks of procrastination, I finally took The Toaster through a car wash on Saturday. 

I was busy Mr. Miyagi-ing the tar specked panels when the music started to play. It was upbeat and catchy and most of all, I could hear it above the car wash's mechanical din.  

As I crouched at my rear bumper with sealant and sponge in one hand and a microfiber cloth in the other, I smiled a little internal 'thank you' for people who share their music at the car wash with those of us who neglected to turn any on - or have a lack of car battery confidence. It sets a nice vibe. 

After a little while, the music dimmed. In the quiet space left behind, I heard the gentleman at the vacuum next to me compliment the music. He walked over to the man who'd briefly served as car wash DJ and shook his hand. 

They talked about music and playing guitar. When Mr. DJ Man mentioned he wanted to take guitar lessons but was looking at ways to do so with his amputated finger, and when Mr. Vacuum Man mentioned not only does he give lessons but just happened to be en route even now to a job interview with a local music store, well... I had been quiet too long already.

After all, I had purchased Rye's percussion kit from that very same store once upon a time! 

And I know no less than four amputated finger stories - all different men, all different fingers... 

As synchronicity would have it, only a few weeks back, our church had the opportunity to host a children's choir from Africa - where amputated fingers figure in as royal status. I still had the poster Rye bought at their merch table in my messy, messy little clown car. 

This far exceeded my default quota for "meant to be" -  by which I  mean, obviously we were all meant to be friends from here til Kingdom come...  so obvious. 

I had no choice but to speak.  Moving my gratitude from internal dialogue to the more abrupt and awkward external channel, I stepped over and said that I, too had enjoyed the music. 

We introduced ourselves then. 

Mike was headed to the job interview and Maurice told us the song was 'Mullholland Drive'  by October London, a young man who covers Marvin Gaye with a style all his own. 

We promised to look him up at our earliest convenience. I have made it convenient for you to do likewise. 

(link to 'Mullholland Drive  ' by October London: https://youtu.be/L0IJisroj9w?feature=shared

Since I had already waded into awkward well past knee deep,  I asked them if I could take their picture for my photo project @SoHo Journal - an eternal work in progress about good neighbors, southern hospitality and unanticipated sunlight.  They agreed and posed for a quick candid shot. 

( link to SoHo Journal: https://sohojono.blogspot.com/ )

We talked about the guitar club at the local library and Maurice's missing finger. This was the perfect segue to share about Key of Hope children's choir  - I showed them the poster and started  Amputated Finger Story Hour. 

( link to Key of Hope: https://www.keyofhope.org/ )

Three fingers down, Mike had to get to his interview. We wished him luck, took his contact info and bid him adieu. I sure hope he gets the job - if he wants it. 

Maurice and I chatted on a while longer - we both had relatives who lost fingers to dynamite, back in the day. 

He shared with me how God had blessed him with the truck he was washing and we talked about lawn care come Spring. 

We talked about Fisher's bricked Lincoln and Maurice's recently departed father. We, too exchanged contact info and returned to vacuum our vehicles. 

See? I told you - meant to be.

Community - brought together by music. It's a lovely thing. 

Just as I dropped the token that came free with the automated brushless wash into the canister vac, a Wrangler with a duck-lined dash pulled in to the empty bay where Mike had been. 

The young man held a pack of chewing gum out to me "Would you like a piece?" I took one to be polite (but I didn't chew it . Ine must be cautious, you know.)

"My name is.... " he continued, and now I can't remember his name - it was Nathan or Nick or something with an "N" - and he seemed very nice but the vacuum only had 3 minutes.  He didn't say anything more, and I had already been out in the wild too long.  

So I headed back home with two new friends and a stick of gum. I also met a homeless lady - she said I could call her B. Love -  digging through the trash cans. I actually think we've crossed paths before- a long time ago, but I can't talk about her here. 

Even our Left Hand ain't supposed to know what the Right's got up to - but I do believe that even a long-procrastinated, messy, messy car -full of nursery class snacks and abandoned winter wear-  is sometimes 'meant to be' 

Besides, I wouldn't want the kids to worry. 

Invite a viking to church just one little time and it's chaperones for life ;) 

*Photo of Gum, Un-chewed





A Little Stevie Nicks



"There's a little Stevie Nicks inside me..." Rye began from the backseat. 

I smirked at the sudden mental image of a wee Stevie Nix pulling strings and calling shots from Mission Control in Riley's mind.

I glanced in the rearview mirror, prompting her to continue. 

"...whenever we have to be around each other, it's like there's a part of me that feels dread, because it's like 'What's next?' He always has to say or do something..." she said 

She was referring to a young man with whom she has had an ongoing  friends-to-lovers-to-enemies-back-to-friends-ish adventure (she's 14 - the "lovers" is more of a metaphor)  

We'd just bumped into their family  at lunch, following Sunday morning church... a time traditionally reserved for stirrings of the Holy Spirit, not Stevie Nicks. 

This young man recently made some remarks that made Riley uncomfortable. 

It was dealt with immediately. They talked things through. He apologized with a side of justification ("Take it as a compliment" he'd said)  

She explained why she couldn't ever do that. 

He apologized again, this time with less excuse making. 

Now they're knee deep in 'getting back to normal' (whatever that even is) 

From behind my seat, she continued to explore her after lunch emotions "...but there's another part of me that's a little bit Stevie Nicks...a little..." She started to sing,  

'...but you won't forget me...
(I was such a fool)
I know I could've loved you, but you would not let me...(skip some lyrics) ...I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you...haunt you ' 

( link- Silver Springs FleetwoodMac: https://youtu.be/eDwi-8n054s?feature=shared )  

"...it's like, 'Here I am and here you are, here we are. Yep... ' and we're not going to talk about any of it, keeping it nice... [ private references redacted]...it's like being a co-parent." (Bless her little divorced-kid's heart ) 

We laughed as she compared the similarities between what she has experienced with her dad and myself and how she feels when she plays with this young man's little sister. 

She mentioned she'd gone bankrupt at lunch buying the little girl gum machine trinkets and an array of rubber ducks. 

She returned to describing the tiny tenant belting ballads in her psyche. 


How had Stevie Nicks managed to sub-lease this plot of indwelling? 

Rye promptly rolled me under the tour bus and backed up twice, for good measure: 

"That's just what you get when you grow up with a mom playing "You're So Vain" and songs like that. I mean, I know that's not Stevie - but still, same diff. They're both true." 

(link- You're So Vain Carly Simon: https://youtu.be/j13oJajXx0M?feature=shared )

And with that, the conversation dropped off into a song the rest of the way home, "... you probably think this song is about you, don't you, don't you, don't you...

Yes, my playlist can be eclectic and yes, I did point her to a list of 'Female Powerhouse Vocalists' to cover when she practices... there have been some external influences. 

But mostly? She's got the music in her

(link-Get What You Give (Music In You) NewRadicals https://youtu.be/wfhQzH2CSjA?feature=shared )

How wonderful, this front row seat. 

(link to LiveStar Karaoke Riley - You're So Vain: https://youtu.be/ZRfj2peAI4I?feature=shared)

Here's looking at you kid... just keep singing your pretty little broken heart out.  


(link- Everything's Gonna Be Alright Bob Marley https://youtu.be/e3nar3xoJ7A?feature=shared )


There Must Be Eyes

 First, there was Phineas. 

Soon, a whole new motley crew will join us on Sunday mornings … (ya’ll should make one, too!) 

(Oops! I think it’s a case of Accidental Puppet Ministry)


“Googly eyes are essential to life, therefore, add them everywhere”  ~ or whatever S. Truett Cathy said 

Self Control


This is a story about self-control- or the lack thereof. 

When we were little, my brother and I had a Music Machine record, and on this record was a little song called “Self Control” 

Self-control is just controlling myself

It’s listening to my heart

And doing what is smart

Self-control is the very best way to go

So I think that I’ll control myself 
Each verse painted a scenario where the lack of self control led to negative consequences- not brushing one’s teeth resulted in a cavity, getting angry and kicking one’s foot gave one a sore and stubbed toe… you get the picture. 

Self control IS important, and we would none be worse off for humming that little song on occasion to remind ourselves to be temperate and to, as another song on that album implores, “Have Patience” 

So- now that we’re clear I’m pro-virtue…I had a little smirk over witnessing the collective lack of restraint in our local Target a few nights ago. 

Half-Pint and I were checking out the impulse buys- I mean Dollar Spot- at the front of the store. We found a bin of these adorable little manual paper shredders, complete with little feet. 

But the one thing that most of the little paper shredders did not have were paper tags. 

Upon closer inspection, it appeared there had been a paper shredder battle as many of the shredders in the bin clearly held the contents of other shredders’ tags in their bellies. 

It really WAS tempting.

But thanks to a lifetime of good music, we chose the narrow way, picked out an empty shredder with his tag miraculously still intact and adopted him at the checkout. 

Once we reached home, with an office full of all manner of scratch and colorful art papers, care to guess what Half Pint shredded first? 







Thy Will Be Done

 


Recently I posted about the Get Lit! competition and placing in the final round. As part of the challenge, we had to incorporate a milking stool into our storyline.  I entered the contest alongside a writing buddy and will have to see how they feel about sharing their own milking stool entry here (or in the comments) 

(link to A Donkey In Mitford:https://kellybrewer.blogspot.com/2025/01/a-donkey-in-mitford.html )

The milking stool in my story was one of the family heirloom variety, one that served as a stepping stool for short grannies, a time out for wayward tots and a doll table long after its service to the bovines in the barn was replaced by PET's door-to-door milk deliveries. 

In the fictional family I wrote about, I included traits inspired by some of my own family members. Historically, the contest was only open to people in North Carolina or with roots in North Carolina (which I have) so I spent extra time choosing names for my characters based on North Carolina towns. 

 Closer to my heart, I made reference to a place in Lenoir, NC that really exists under a slightly different name and which really does offer mountains of hope to those in need.  And I shared "Reading Hallway" - a real thing I did for my own kids when they were little. 

I pulled from Mitford one of my favorite inspirations- "Thy Will Be Done" -the prayer that never fails.

It has been a helpful frame for me over the years. 

I've abbreviated it from four words down to a mere two: Thy Will... 

Whether interpreted as sitting still and yielding myself to a Will higher than my own, or parking my own will in time out - the net result is the same... not mine, but Thine be done. 

The writing reception didn't go as planned, as I mentioned in that post, and it sort of sidelined all the other plans I had made - including small trinkets/ornaments inspired by my story. 

But today, I clear the cache a little more and share my entry for your enjoyment and critique, along with the slapdash craft that only turned out so, so. 

To open as a document, click here: 

DEAR READER: 

Finalist in the Mitford GetLit! Writing Competition 

(link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fcNLCpYuIPdnZoce73Yu4NMjY4Xq4TFfxgSn3IwcUuc/edit  ) 

...or simply read on... 

DEAR READER by Kelly Brewer

Grandma Clovis was dead.

After more practice rounds than Augusta National, Clovis Jean Baker had finally tripped the Light Fantastic

for real. But this story is not about her death–it’s about what happened next. 


In the early days of her diagnosis, Clovis wasted no time getting her house in order.

“While I still have the mind to!” she quipped. 

Grandma  preferred  punchlines to frown lines and often called on  the wisdom of her own patron saint,

Pollyanna,  for ways to be “glad in it”--whatever “it” turned out to be.

A few years in and her tendency to start every other sentence with “When I’m gone…” barely startled

them anymore. Sometimes, it seemed as if that was all she talked about. 

Life is funny but so is death. 

For all the close calls and conversations, they found that they still weren't nearly prepared.

In the end, despite all she had survived, Clovis was finite. They knew this about her. We all know this

about each other.  Yet somehow, they conspired to keep it a secret from themselves.  

It is true, Dear Reader, that one can never be fully prepared for certain events until they happen, but it is

equally true that we must learn this time and again for ourselves. 

~ * ~

The practical stuff was paid for long ago: the preacher, the plot, and the coffin with its economical lining. 

But who would write the obituary?  How did she want her hair?  A list of final directives certainly

existed, but where?

In the days leading up to her funeral, the Baker bunch combed the halls of their childhood home like raiders searching for an ark. They scurried and scrambled. They cobbled together what they could remember and improvised what they could not. 

And then, Gentle Reader, they buried her. 

Funerals are deadlines without extension. Ready or not, we submit what we’ve got, nailing the door for

future edits closed. We bury our lingering regrets and adorn them with flowers. 

And so, just like that, finding the right shade of lipstick to bury a Patrician Winter in and the service bulletin’s multiple misspellings ceased to matter. 

For  this is not the story of a funeral. It is the story of those left behind. 

~ * ~ 

Like the fabled Blue Moon of All Hallows’ Eve, a loved one’s funeral has the power to open a realm of

startling truth and clarity, previously unseen.  

Secrets are divulged and shoeboxes spill out their sentiment. Coin jars are counted, confessions are made and a person’s internet history is revealed. 

Piles of treasure and goodwill line the halls as every cabinet and drawer is emptied. 

Casserole dishes and mixing bowls, cookbooks and that one wooden spoon, children fight one last time

over cleaning out the kitchen. 

Perhaps you’ve got an antique aunt or great oaken uncle of your own? One who, after holding on to

that last deciduous leaf for dear life (and the better part of a decade), finally let go of what turns out to

be the family's final straw. 

Maybe  you have ducked from the path of flying flatware or dodged sly attempts to pass on Buck, the

blind and spastic dog.  It can be ghastly. 

Let’s take a peek at how the Baker bunch is managing. 

“You are such a sneak, Fletcher! You knew I was planning to keep it!” Charlotte was berating her baby

brother from the doorway of his childhood bedroom  “Give it back to me!” 

“I’m going to give it to you alright, Charley Horse! I told you to trust me. Now get out of here!” Fletcher was on the floor, curled around a squat wooden stool that belonged to

their mother, recently procured from his sister’s room. He gripped the front legs like the horns of an altar

and used his foot to kick the door closed. 

Fletcher hadn’t meant for the door to slam, but the sound echoed through the house all the same,

commanding everyone’s attention. 

Great! Now it would be a whole thing.  

Clovis was clear regarding earthly possessions: no fussing or squabbling, and no robbing her peace over a pie dish. She had often implored them when they visited to go ahead and put their names on the things they would like to keep. But they found it far too macabre and never did as they were told. 

Kenly and Cameron, twins and joint-heirs to the middle by their fraternal bond, sat at the kitchen table

sorting buttons from coins, unopened mail and minutiae.  At the sound of the door slamming, they

exchanged  glances and carefully rose from their balanced stacks. 

Cam went toward Charlotte’s room leaving Kenly to handle  Fletcher. She had always had a better way with him, more nurturing and maternal, while Cam and Charlotte spoke the same native, no-nonsense tongue. 

"Char? May I come in?"  Cam could soften the bass of his 'radio voice' when necessary. He entered

gingerly and sat on the edge of Charlotte's bed. "Are you ok? What was that all about?"

Charlotte was at her desk, phone in hand, scrolling mindlessly. 

“Nothing. Just grief setting in. We’re all so tired.  He can have it if it means that  much, I  just didn’t

want him messing it up, that’s all.” 

"Messing what up, hon?" Cam asked, more coddling than usual. 

“Ma’s stool” Charlotte was still looking at her phone, but tears spilled over, onto the screen. She wiped

them  away and after a quiet moment,added “I learned to read on that stool.” 

Cameron remembered the “Reading Hallway”well. Unable to be in both the girls’ and boys’ rooms at once, Clovis improvised by placing the old milking stool mid-hallway “between East Egg and West Egg” and propping her back against the wall.

The stories she told were nightlights, ordinary words  spun into gold and glowing against the darkened

hall. 

Stories, plural. 

Clovis enjoyed the stories as much as the kids. It was not unusual to hear half a dozen short stories or chapter upon chapter of an epic classic in one night.   She was sure to add voices and  sound effects. 
They became Narnian citizens from her place on that stool. They snuck past Smaug with Bilbo Baggins
and soared through night skies with the Little Prince and Peter Pan. 
As they learned to read, it was a treat to perch on that oft-painted stool and ‘sound-it-out’ until their siblings fell asleep from the sheer exhaustion of  stories-over-speedbumps. Together, they
had Hopped on Pop and counted Mr. Popper’s Penguins, fell asleep with Homer Price and woke up with
a hankering for doughnuts. 
"Char, I’m sure he will be careful," Cam assured her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. But what
he said next was more 'I hope' than 'I know'. 
 "The woodshop at Mercy Colony has been so good for his recovery. I’m sure he’s just planning to
polish it or something. Do something for Ma, you know? Show us what he knows."
Charlotte knew her younger brother was right. Fletcher needed an opportunity to shine for a change.

~ * ~ 

In Fletcher’s room, Kenly’s knockless entrance caught Fletcher pulling a small hand saw from his

knapsack. 

She suddenly dreaded the rising confrontation. “What in Tar Heel Nation, Fletch?!” 

He spun toward her with a shushing finger then whispered a furtive explanation which we cannot know, 

Quiet Reader,  for they were whispering. 

Converted from confidant to accomplice in three minutes flat, Kenly guarded the door from further

intrusion while Fletcher worked the saw.

~ * ~ 

Charlotte was still scrolling, unfocused, when Kenly walked in with the sacred relic. 

"Hey, Char?" Kenly waited for Charlotte's eyes to meet her own.  "The stool is safe. It's right here.

Take it home to Kitty and Otto–show them how we used it like a table."

Like a child after pitching a successful hissy-fit, Charlotte tried to remain somber about getting her own

way, as if to earn what was already given. “I’ll teach them to read here,” Char bargained,  “and to turn

around and pray.”

Charlotte took the stool from Kenly and hugged it close to her heart. She found the chiseled grooves

on the stool’s broad face and traced the familiar words with her fingers, THY WILL

A prayer Clovis taught them to pray when other words were few.

 As she traced the letters again and again, her lips formed the silent words and her heart conformed to

the prayer. 

~*~

I would  love to tell you Fletcher graduated from Mercy Colony in time for Thanksgiving dinner. And

it would have been nice to show you Kitty and Otto drinking hot cocoa at a little, prayerful table.  

Most of all,  I want to tell you that the delicate ornaments, nestled in Fletcher’s bag, really were cut from the legs of that old milking stool; how the years of paint, like tree rings, framed simple, indelible words; a powerful, ineffable prayer. You may even wonder if the woodshop at Mercy Colony is still there. 

Dear Reader, I wish I could tell you, but that is another story. 




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